Islam has established that being dutiful to parents is a form of obligation for its followers. Many verses of the Quran explain this, including:
Allah the Almighty says:
“And your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to your parents.” (QS. Al-Isra: 23)
Also His words,
“And worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him. And be kind to your parents.” (QS. An-Nisa: 36)
Even the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also emphasized that being devoted to one’s parents is the most beloved deed to Allah after prayer.
Ibn Mas’ud radhiyallahu anhu said,
سَأَلْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَيُّ الْعَمَلِ أَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ قَالَ الصَّلَاةُ عَلَى وَقْتِهَا قَالَ ثُمَّ أَيٌّ قَالَ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ قَالَ ثُمَّ أَيٌّ قَالَ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ
I asked Rasulullah sallallaahu alaihi wasallam, “What is the deed that Allah loves most?” He answered, “Practice prayer at its proper time.” I asked again, “Then what?” He answered, “Be devoted to your parents,” he continued. I asked again, “Then?” He answered, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” (HR. al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Not Only During Life
However, we must know that being devoted to parents is not only done when they are still alive, but also when they have passed away. On this occasion we will tell you how to be devoted to parents when they have passed away.
From Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi’ah As-Sa’idi, said, “When we were with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Suddenly a man from Bani Salimah came and said, “O Messenger of Allah, is there still a form of being devoted to my parents when they have passed away?” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied,
نَعَمِ الصَّلاَةُ عَلَيْهِمَا وَالاِسْتِغْفَارُ لَهُمَا وَإِنْفَاذُ عَهْدِهِمَا مِنْ بَعْدِهِمَا وَصِلَةُ الرَّحِمِ الَّتِى لاَ تُوصَلُ إِلاَّ بِهِمَا وَإِكْرَامُ صَدِيقِهِمَا
“He prayed for both of them, asked forgiveness for both of them, fulfilled their promises after their death, established kinship ties with the families of both parents that had never been established and honored their close friends.” (Narrated by Abu Daud and Ibn Majah)
What are the details?
1. Be Serious in Doing Good
A child should be serious in obeying Allah and worshipping Him. Because for every righteous deed done by a child, the parents will also get a reward like the reward a child gets without reducing the reward of the child.
Allah Almighty said,
“And that man only gets what he has worked for.” (QS. An-Najm: 39)
A child is a part of his father’s effort.
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said,
إِنَّ أَطْيَبَ مَا أَكَلْتُمْ مِنْ كَسْبِكُمْ وَإِنَّ أَوْلَادَكُمْ مِنْ كَسْبِكُمْ
Indeed, the best food you eat is from what you have earned, and your children are from what you have earned.
“Indeed, the best food you eat is from what you have earned. Indeed, children are part of what you strive for” (HR. at-Tirmidhi, Ibnu Majah and Ahmad)
Therefore, it is not necessary for the child when he prays or fasts and then says the reward of this worship I offer to my parents, because the reward continues to flow without him offering it all at once.
2. Pray for them
One way to show devotion when parents have died is to pray for them and ask forgiveness for them from Allah.
Allah ta’ala says,
وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
“Pray, O Allah, have mercy on them (both parents), as they took care of me when I was little.” (QS. Al-Isra: 24)
The Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wasallam said,
إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ: إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ، أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ، أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ
“When a person dies, all his good deeds will be cut off except for three things: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, and a righteous child who prays for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, Nasai and others).
The Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wasallam also said,
إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَتُرْفَعُ دَرَجَتُهُ فِي الْجَنَّةِ فَيَقُولُ أَنَّى لِيْ هَذَا فَيُقَالُ بِاسْتِغْفَارِ وَلَدِكَ لَكَ
Indeed, there is someone who will be elevated to a position in Heaven in the future. He asked, “How is this?” So he answered: “Because your child is praying for you. (HR. Ibn Majah)
3. Connecting friendships
Part of being filial when you die is maintaining friendship with your parents’ siblings and glorifying your parents’ friends while they were alive.
The Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wasallam said,
إِنَّ أَبَرَّ الْبِرِّ صِلَةُ الْوَلَدِ أَهْلَ وُدِّ أَبِيهِ
“Indeed, the best form of filial piety is for someone to maintain ties with the family of his father’s good acquaintances.” (HR. Muslim)
The Messenger of Allah sallallaahu alaihi wasallam said,
من أحب أن يصل أباه في قبره فليصل إخوان أبيه بعده
“Whoever wants to join his father in his grave, let him join his father’s friends when he was alive.” (HR. Ibn Hibban with authentic chain of narration)
4. Charity on behalf of the Elderly
Including charity is giving charity in the name of both parents
From Aisha, may God be pleased with her, that there was a man who said to the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace,
إِنَّ أُمِّيَ افْتُلِتَتْ نَفْسَهَا وَلَمْ تُوصِ، وَأَظُنُّهَا لَوْ تَكَلَّمَتْ تَصَدَّقَتْ، أَفَلَهَا أَجْرٌ، إِنْ تَصَدَّقْتُ عَنْهَا؟ قَالَ: نَعَمْ تَصَدَّقْ عَنْهَا
“My mother died suddenly, while she had not made a will. I am sure, if he had time to speak, he would give charity. Will he get a stream of rewards, if I give charity in his name?” The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, replied, “Yes.” Give charity in your mother’s name.” (HR. al-Bukhari and Muslim)
In another hadith, from Ibn Abbas, may God be pleased with him, that Sa’d bin Ubadah’s mother died, when Sa’d was not at home. Sa’d said,
يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ أُمِّي تُوُفِّيَتْ وَأَنَا غَائِبٌ عَنْهَا، أَيَنْفَعُهَا شَيْءٌ إِنْ تَصَدَّقْتُ بِهِ عَنْهَا؟ قَالَ: نَعَمْ
“O Messenger of Allah, my mother died and I was not present at that time. Does he get a stream of rewards if I donate property in his name?” The Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, answered, “Yes.” (HR. al-Bukhari)
Such is the form of devotion when both our parents have died. Wallahu a’lam bishawab.
Arif Ardiansyah, Lc
Source: Tabsiratul anam bilhuquqi fil Islam, Salih bin Thaha Abdul Wahid with some additions from other sources.
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